Sarah E. Moffett

The rumor I’m hearing is that you’re writing a book. Is that true?

Well, why not? Half the planet’s population seems to be writing books, and the other half is probably threatening to do it.

I’ve had a little experience in this area, and I can tell you something about writing books that you may not want to hear.

To begin with, just because you’re writing a book doesn’t mean that you’ll ever finish it. Probably you won’t.

Even if you do finish, what you’ll have is a manuscript, not a book, and it may never be published. In fact, the likelihood is that it won’t be.

But even if it is, chances are against your book making any money, since most do not.

However, since you’ve already decided to go through with this iffy enterprise, let’s say you do finish your manuscript, and it’s published, and you get a couple of favorable reviews from critics who have actually read more than the text on the dust-jacket flap.

Now you’re faced with going onto the battlefield to promote your creation. You stop being a writer and become a salesman.

You may say, “I don’t want to be a salesman. I’m an artist. I want my work to live or die on its merit. Look at Cormac McCarthy. He doesn’t promote his books, and they sell by the tens of thousands.”

Trust me on this — you’re not Cormac McCarthy.

Know this, too: If you refuse to promote your book, it will sit on store shelves and die.

But if you do agree to cooperate, you’ll soon find yourself involved in book-signing events. Autographings.

You are talking to a scarred, bleeding veteran of autographings. And I’ve got a secret to share, now that you’ll be autographing your masterpiece in bookstores.

Soon as your first session is scheduled, get on the phone and call 25 friends, or more if you really have more, and tell them they must come to this event. You have to do the calling personally. Nobody else will do it for you.

Tell these friends they don’t need to buy a book. Tell them they must show up and drink wine and stand around and look interested. They must not leave. They must stay the entire two hours of the signing.

This is of huge importance because if those friends don’t show up, you could have an autograph party attended by you and your publisher’s rep and two bookstore clerks and nobody else.

I am speaking from bitter experience here, folks.

Some authors will appear in stores and sit alone for hours behind a table stacked with 200 copies of their novels and expect the general public to file by and buy books. A ridiculous notion. It won’t happen.

You’ve got to have people around, looking as if something of interest is going on.

At malls I’ve seen writers at book-laden tables and they always wear such forlorn expressions, and to me it’s a painful scene. I wonder why they do it. If members of the shopping public happen to look at the books, they seem to shy away, as if the writer might be offering packages of poisonous spiders.

But then there’s the other side of the coin:

A successful autographing is wonderful. People coming out and standing in line, imagine that, to buy your book, and saying nice things, and even having a good time getting acquainted with one another while they wait.

That’s almost more than a person could expect. But events that come off that well don’t just happen. They’re planned and promoted, by booksellers and publishers.

You’ll find out, when you start doing these autographings, that some book buyers will offer you a challenge. They can get particular about inscriptions.

This sweet-smiling lady will hand over the book she’s just bought and she’ll say, “This is for my son William. He lives in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. He works in a flower shop there and does parachute jumping on weekends and loves French cooking. Would you write something clever about that?”

Some bookstore people will help by encouraging customers to write, in advance on a slip of paper, what they want you to say in an inscription.

Which is fine, but now and then you’ll get a slip asking you to inscribe one of your books, “To Ed, my darling husband. I’ll always love you.”

You’ll need to stop and explain to Ed’s wife that you can’t sign that message without first doing some editing.

Good luck on your book.

The Houston Chronicle recently ran this article, Putting together a book takes more than just writing, by Leon Hale (leon.hale@chron.com).   I could not possibly agree with his thoughts and sentiments more.  Particularly after my own book tour experiences.  And if you must subject yourself to such insanity, I have only one thing to add. Carry a flask.

*Pictures are my own contribution and not endorsed or suggested by the Houston Chronicle.  Thanks for the forward Debby.

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