Sarah E. Moffett

I completely understand. You were sitting in your cubicle, staring at the off-green polymer weave of the crudely-placed dividing wall. ‘How long did it take to make those strands?’ you wondered, deeply concerned. ‘Did they use little people, with little hands? No, that can’t be right. But they should, it would create jobs for people - little people! And of course someone would have to dye the weave. But they don’t have to be little, I suppose. No, that’s not necessary.’

You took a deep drink of your triple mocha latte, feeling your eye-capillaries manifest and surge.

‘And what’s with that rug….’

Suddenly your thoughts turn. For no reason you can logically describe, it hits you like a mocking barrage of pies thrown at a Marx Brothers convention. You could feel the energy collect in the pit of your stomach, your face flushed and full. You sprung up, jumping out of your cubicle and facing your co-workers.

“Yes!! YES!! I want facts! Random, useless, historical FACTS!!”

Well yearn no more, young working warrior. Here is a collection of useless historical trivia to last you until the next embarrassing outburst.

Who fired the first shot of the Civil War? According to tradition, a guy named Edmund Ruffin (you HAVE to look up pictures of this guy, seriously) is credited with firing the first shot at Fort Sumpter in April, 1861. Upon later interviews, he claims he “didn’t like the unfashionable shoes those Yanks were wearing.”

Why does the ball drop at Times Square? In 1904, the owner of the New York Times, Alfred Ochs, threw a huge party in the square to celebrate the headquarters opening. Overnight, Times Square becomes the bee’s knees, sugar-daddy! However, in 1907, city hall bans the party’s fireworks display, so Alfred decides to lower a 700-pound illuminated ball from his building’s flagpole instead. Take that, City Hall.

What’s with the giant bunny on Easter? Although the origins of the Easter Bunny are not clear, the big fellow began showing up in the United States around the 18th century. The Pennsylvania Dutch called him “Osterhase”, which besides being far more cool sounding, indicates his identification in their tradition as a “hare” rather than rabbit. Unfortunately, Elmer Fudd is currently in hunting litigation and unavailable for comment.

What is parchment, exactly? Parchment is calf-skin, sheep skin, or goat skin scrapped thin, stretched and dried creating a material ideal for manuscripts. Vellum is simply parchment made exclusively from calf-skin. Be sure to use this knowledge to impress your next date.

The great cannonball question - Do they explode? Well, the answer is some of them do, some don’t. Many cannonballs (or “round shot” for the nerds) were hollow on the inside with a fuse/plug that was ignited when the cannon fired. This would burn and eventually ignited the charge inside. Think “Bombs bursting in air”. Some cannonballs, however, were solid and used to batter ship hulls or take out fortification walls. It’s a matter of taste, really - do you prefer pretty explosions or splintering wood?

When did sending valentines start “a happening?” In 1382 Chaucer wrote the first recorded correlation of Valentine’s Day with romantic love in his “Parlement of Foules.” It is possible that the traditions of modern Valentines Day did not exist before Chaucer’s writing, but rather started to come into their own around this time. The first mass-production of Valentine cards began after 1847 by Esther Howland of Worchester, Massachusetts, whose father owned a stationary store. In 1940 the first case of “Valentine Blues” took place, as New Jersey third-grader Herbert Bard debated whether Susie from school loved him based on the contents of her mandatory Valentine card (also the first recorded case of broken heart by “cooties”).

Well, there you have it. This should keep you going for at least a week or so. Please refrain from startling your co-workers with any future outbursts.

 Today’s guest blogger is Jarod, a New York City museum curator, and self described craftsman, writer, custom knife-maker, musician, that dabble in as many things as possible. And then some. His blog, Jarod’s Forge, is absolutely worth checking out.  If nothing else, your Trivial Pursuit talents will exponentially increase.

[Sarah Moffett is on hiatus, Walden style. Comments and such will be moderated upon return, provided she does not get “lost” in Western Europe.]

Share This